These are just five examples of a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect.  Or rather, an oxymoron.

In my Social Studies class we recently learned that the TSA has developed a new screening procedure to protect the flying public (and presumably those on the ground as well).

Evidently, you can go through a scanner that has debatable levels of radiation that gives the voyeur, I’m sorry, the TSA agent a clean view of your person.

If you chose to opt-out, they will then grope, I’m sorry, pat you down in a manner that ensures you are not concealing any banned contraband.

My dad flies every week so I asked him if he had the pleasure of a pat-down or had that fancy X-Ray machine take his picture.

No to pat.

Yes to X-Ray.

He claims that his hair loss is due to the machine, but I just think he is getting old.

Anyway, he shared an idea with me that I thought the flying public and the TSA may want to employ.

Sometimes Father Does Know Best:

• The TSA requires all flyers to have their boarding passes match their government issued documents (A)
• The airline (or booking agency) has your billing address (e.g., home address) to ensure they get paid (B)
• The TSA requires information from the airlines regarding their passenger lists so they can see if they are on a No Fly List (C)
• The airlines know exactly how often you fly, to where and when (D)

Here is where the magic kicks-in . . . the Patriot Act includes Section 326 – Customer Identification Program.  In short, it says that a bank must verify your identity before opening an account.

Why?  To prevent terrorist funding of nefarious activities on our soil.

So, how does a bank know if someone is a potential threat (or stole an identity) within one-second, and the TSA has access to A, B, C, D above and yet treats every potential customer like a threat to homeland security?

Hello Government Agency.

With some very minor (if any) tweaking, the airlines could embed a code for the TSA screener to know exactly what threat level you represented.  In turn, you could then have the privilege of the appropriate security measures while my Dad shows his ID and goes right to his flight.

Evidently, a 4-year old with leg braces, an 85-year old in a wheel chair and a 26-year old of Middle Eastern decent all represent the same threat level.  Well, they do to the TSA anyway.

Why don’t we let the guys at Zynga do the programming or maybe come up with a new game:  Securityville.

The TSA, putting the moron in oxymoron.

A video for your amusement . . .

Evidently, so did the Democrats.

Or, was it the citizenry – it is really hard to tell.

Maybe, too soon to tell.

But, if history is any indicator, in just two-more years, rest assured that the donkeys will ride high again and the elephants will mosey on down the road.

Why?

Why do Americans have political amnesia and think that what ails them today will be alleviated by what caused them the problem yesterday?

I blame Wal-Mart and McDonald’s.

Sounds like a leap, but follow my 1st Grade logic:

• Both companies feed off of self entitlement and instant gratification
• Both are constantly marketing the next deal at an impossibly low price
• Both operate with impunity and never cease in their quest for dominance

In essence, we have been conditioned by them to expect things immediately at the lowest possible price without any real regard to value or its implications on the greater good.

Sounds just like Election Night to me.

So what to do?

My opinions on the polarizing of America and the need for a Common Sense Party have already been articulated in this blog (articulate was a bonus word on my last spelling test).

You would think with all of this social media, technology and the ability for our (by our, I mean yours as I can’t yet vote) voices to be heard, that someone would actually listen.

More importantly, take a path that has yet to be traveled – - you know, the one that is intended to deliver the greatest good to the greatest number of people regardless of who gets credit.

Sorry, I forgot about the lobbyists.

Never mind.

Just to bring you up to speed, since my last posting I have learned how to read (which has proven very handy when it comes to writing this blog) and swim, and I graduated from the big K, and I just made company at DC Dance Factory!  What can I say, I’m evolving.

Since it has been a while, I thought I would ease back into the blogosphere with a few items that I think you should think.

Turn signals — formally called directional indicators or directional signals, and informally known as “directionals,” “blinkers,” “indicators” or “flashers” — are signal lights mounted near the left and right front and rear corners of a vehicle, and sometimes on the sides, used to indicate to other drivers that the operator intends a lateral change of position (turn or lane change).

So what?

Well, evidently these nifty little things were available as early as 1907 and formally patented in 1938.

Unfortunately, newer cars most not have them because I keep hearing my Dad use bad words to describe people that don’t use them.  So, I think it would be good for my Dad’s long-term health if we all agreed to use our turn signals.

2 Party System – just when you thought that America had it all figured out, along comes Sarah Palin (R – Alaska) and Alvin Greene (D – South Carolina).

In case you don’t know them – I’ve included images of both.  One is Mommy Grizzly and the other is the Alphabetical Choice to be a Senator in South Carolina (lest you forget his pending charges for showing porn to a college student).

This proves that we need more options.

So, I’ve decided to start the Common Sense Party that runs on a very simple platform:

• Right-sized government the delivers services and does not pay its employees 2x what the private sector earns (look it up)
• Right-sized taxes that does not burden the rich or the poor (oh, and why is there a death tax?  Didn’t the person who died pay all the taxes on the wealth they generated – why should your government then take 40% – 60% of that?)
• Recognition that someone once indicated that church and state should be separate and in doing so, not use one to dictate the other

I’ve never been much for tea parties – to many things to clean-up.  I think we need more options.

Pundits - How many talking-heads does this country need?  Who made these individuals experts to have opinions in the first place?  Are they learned scholars that are espousing facts for consideration or are they blathering idiots (oops, that’s a bad word in our house) that are needlessly trying to scare people?

Oh wait, Glenn Beck is on the other line in tears begging me not to tell people to think that pundit are idiots (there I go again).  But, sometimes you need to let the video speak for itself.

Nice job here Glenn, in my neighborhood we call these guys creeps and pedophiles (unfortunately, I know that word), but I’m glad you gave this guy a forum to defend himself.

I’m glad I could share some of the things I think you should think.

Thinking is really not that hard – just don’t let others do it for you.  Wait, I mean . . .

As we wind down 2009, just think about all of the turmoil, we, as a nation, have faced:

• The biggest financial crisis since The Great Depression  
• The complete implosion of the US-based auto-industry
• Ponzi Watch – Danny Pang, Mr. Madoff, Mr. Rothstein, Mr. Sanford
• Healthcare reform – well, you already know how I feel about that
• Continued unrest in the Middle-East (not to mention the Pirates in Somalia)

See what I mean?

When my dad was my age he only had to worry about The Cold War and a complete nuclear holocaust.  At least then you knew who the enemy was. Today, you are subject to terror-cells that can spring up anywhere.

It really does give you pause.

But, I’m an optimist and I thought I would tackle two very big domestic challenges all at one-time.

Since everyone reading this entry is technically a shareholder of GM (our $52 B investment gave us 61% ownership), I’m sure you are aware that while we (yeah, we – GM is now US) posted a +$1 B loss in Q3, our CEO Fritz Henderson is poised to accelerate the repayment of ~$7 B in emergency funds provided to GM – with $1 B being paid-back in December.

Meanwhile, down in Washington, DC – the land of the most efficient operators in the world, we find ourselves mired in debate over what to do with healthcare.

This debate has focused a significant amount of attention on our Medicare programs (the social insurance program administered by the US government providing health insurance for those 65 and over) that pay-out nearly one-half trillion (yes, that’s a T) in benefits per year.

Meet the odd couple and a viable solution to fixing both GM and Medicare at the same time.

It was recently reported (CLICK HERE) that the amount of fraud perpetrated against Medicare is $60B annually.

It has replaced drug-running as the #1 crime in South Florida, and evidently anyone with less than an 8th grade education can immediately start collecting from Medicare.

Why?

Well, my friends, those efficient operators in Washington, DC passed a law requiring that Medicare benefits reimbursements be paid within 15-days of receipt.  That means if you send Medicare a bill, you will be paid in about two weeks time.

Efficient?  Yes.  Smart?  Not so much.

You see, they MUST pay every invoice, it is in fact the law.  However, the geniuses that passed the law didn’t bother to uncover whether or not the Medicare A/P system had any capability to detect fraud.  You know, multiple vendors billing for the same person for items not related to their condition, not to mention that the person may actually now be deceased.

Enter GM.

Why bother selling cars when clearly there is money to be made in Medicare?  So, and follow along with me, why not have GM open up a bunch of store fronts all over the US and start billing Medicare for DME (durable medical equipment)?

Fraud?  Perhaps.

But, if GM can take over the lions-share of the $60B in annual fraud perpetrated against Medicare and then use these funds to fully repay the US Government – then . . . and drum roll please . . . we’ll have fully recouped our investment in GM.

Make sense, right?

Oh, probably as much sense as it makes to let the government increase their role in healthcare and, for that matter, anything business related.

Why?  Well, from a soon-to-be 6-year old’s point-of-view, what could possibly be greater than dressing up as a ballerina and collecting candy from our neighbors.  This could only then be topped-off by a chili cook-off, more deserts than found in any restaurant, and an excuse to stay-up late.

Case closed.

Since my blog-base is growing and I have been receiving requests for so many pictures, I thought I would drop the heavy content and just have some fun and share some images.

Here is me, my sister Madeline and our neighbor (she is a ninja).

Oh yeah, that’s my dad – he had his head-set on and went as a Titans coach – everyone thought he was on the phone.

Here is my sister Lou (you know – Madeline) trying to be a vampire at the after-party.  She went on to win the big prize by guessing how many sugar pumpkins were in this huge jar.  My dad said the gift was from the local dentist!

Finally, my favorite picture of the night was with me and my mom!

She is so beautiful and the best mom in whole world – all of the dads in the neighborhood said something about my dad “marrying-up,” but I don’t really know what that means.

Anyhow, I hope you can now understand why Halloween was the greatest day of the year – well, until Santa shows up!

I know, pretty heady stuff for a Kindergarten student to contemplate, but I am really taking to my English class and enjoy all of the new vocabulary words that I get to learn, read and spell (the spelling thing will be important – see below).

Anyhow, something is only ironic if it is poignantly (that is a three-sticker word) contrary to what was expected or intended.  Coincidence, however, is a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by chance.

So, is it ironic that the widespread development and distribution of electric cars will only further tax our energy resources and create significant pollution in the process?

Why yes, yes that is in fact ironic.  Move from fossil fuel to . . . wait for it . . . clean coal (which, if you are following along at home is actually an oxymoron).  I mean the thing doesn’t magically charge itself over night – right?

In that same light, is it ironic that the development of alternative fuels, like ethanol, is driving up the cost of food (do you know how many uses there are for corn – you may want to go see The Informant) and actually harming the environment during their production?

Yep.  You got it, irony in the purest sense of the word.

A fantastic coincidence, however, is easily described by Mark Twain’s own life.  He was born in 1835 on the day of the appearance of Halley’s Comet.

Incredibly, or rather, coincidentally, he died on the day of the next appearance of Halley’s Comet in 1909.

With that said, they say a picture speaks a thousand words.  In case anyone is confused about how to use irony in a sentence, please consider the following four entries:

Don’t adjust your monitor – I just wonder if these Muslim women are saying CHEESE under their veils.

In case you can’t read the sign – it is for The Department of Labor.  Perhaps this is another oxymoron and not really irony at all.

In my short time on this planet (in case you were wondering there are still roughly 45 more shopping days before my 6th birthday) I have learned to save the best for last.

Get a brain?  Indeed.

I suspect that the poster did not have a spell-check function.

So what does all of this mean?  Well I think it is abundantly clear.  Be careful what you wish for and be aware of shooting stars.

Wait, isn’t that ironic?

It turns-out that Barney has been escaping his own reality of late.

I had no idea who was the real purple headed-monster until I had a chance to read about Barney – Barney Frank that is.

Barney is a Congressman from the 4th congressional district in MA, and has been in Congress since 1981.

Let’s do some math – that means that Barney has been there for 28-years.

Wow, he sure must have a legacy of good work that we can point to – right?

• In 1987, he became the second openly gay member of the House of Representatives – of course he is happy, he gets to wear a purple suit (not that there is anything wrong with that)
• In 2004 and again in 2006, the Washingtonian gave Barney the title of “brainiest,” “funniest” and most “eloquent” member of the House
• In 2007, Barney became the chairman of the House Financial Services Committee which oversees the entire financial services industry (securities, insurance, banking and housing)

So, here we have a happy, funny and eloquent man who has risen to a very powerful position within the House.  Along the way, he has been involved in many legislative issues – from his support of medical marijuana to online gambling.  Yep, our Barney is truly a Renaissance man (see how my private school education is paying off).

What is not widely known about Barney is that he is also a Revisionist Historian.  You know, someone who, in the present, seems to forget all of the things that they have done in the past that could possibly have directly contributed to the conditions faced in the present.  Got that?  Sure you do.

Evidently, Barney loved his two best-friends – - Fannie and Freddie.  These two happy go-lucky GSE’s (government-sponsored enterprises) were having a great time facilitating home-loans so that every American, and I mean EVERY American could buy a home.

In 2003, while the ranking Democrat on the Financial Services Committee, Barney opposed a Bush administration proposal for transferring oversight of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac from Congress and the Department of Housing and Urban Development to a new agency that would be created within the Treasury Department.

The proposal reflected the administration’s belief that Congress “neither has the tools, nor the stature” for adequate oversight.

Barney stated, “These two entities…are not facing any kind of financial crisis…. The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing.” The two companies, which together own or back more than half the home mortgages in the US became “hobbled” by loan defaults.

While you may not like Fox News, you can’t argue with Barney’s own words on the topic.

We probably shouldn’t even delve into the fact that his former partner (no, not in the LLC sense of the word, but in the not that there is anything wrong with that definition) Herb Moses, was an executive at Fannie from 1991 to 1998, where Moses helped develop many of Fannie’s housing and home improvement lending programs.

I love you, you love me, don’t you like how I revised history?

Not me.  

I’m putting my social-networking skills to work, and I plan on shaking you down in a more professional way – via a Web link!

OK, I realize that all of you like to visit my blog from time-to-time to see what’s on mind – this time I am here asking you to dig in to your wallets for an important cause – my school!

I am now in Kindergarten at St. Bernard Academy in Nashville, TN.  Check us out online at:  www.stbernard.org

I get to ride a bus everyday, and learn all sorts of new things.  One of the first lessons I learned was the importance of fund-raising – you know, shaking you down for some extra chips so me and my friends can do really cool things throughout the school year.

Anyhow, now is the perfect time to take advantage of these ridiculously low subscription rates, and help me hit my fund-raising target.  All you need to do is CLICK HERE and shop away.  

Please be sure my code is included when you check-out:  ONE1 (I doubt you will need this, but just in case:  McKenna O’Neill – Ms. Mattingly – Kindergarten)

So, thanks in advance for your support, and I’ll be back soon posting more for you to read – it is the least that I can do, now that I have made this site subscription-based!

It is a simple philosophy, but it has served me well.

The thing I like best about taking pictures these days is being able to see what I took – you know, instant gratification.  Evidently, back in the days when horses used to take people places they had a camera called the Polaroid.

Shoot the picture.  Get the picture.  Cool concept.

Like all great ideas – we, as a race, a human race, have to go and mess them up.  For example, in my Political Science class (yeah, that’s how we roll in the K), we studied the concept of polarization.

It turns out, that there are people that love to divide public opinion and are only satisfied when it goes to extremes.

Maybe that’s why the old man in the town hall meeting was yelling at an equally old man wearing a suit and a flag pin.

Supposedly, they were discussing health-care reform (my opinion on this topic has already been shared and can be read below). My only question was – who was going to need to experience the health-care system first – would it be a stroke or heart attack?

How about taking a chill pill and moving back to the middle?

Evidently that, my friends, is how it works.  Someone once said, “clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.” That would be ideal, but these goal-posts of talk don’t want that to happen. Something about ratings and getting paid.

I don’t want to name names, but one of these clowns loves strippers – I mean, he really loves them. I mean, if you want to meet your mental equivalent, why not shop for a date in a strip club?  (No offense to my stripper readers out there).

The joker, well, he likes these little pills that kill the pain.  Evidently, the thoughts in his head must be so painful that he had to get the pills from a source other than a doctor.

Don’t worry – everyone, at least according to them, falls into one of the two positions they represent.  You see, my friends, these two are known as polarizing agents.  Put another way, they exist only to drive a chasm (my vocabulary word for the week) into public opinion.

Lest you think that they are acting on their own – they are not.  There are actual companies that exist to create this chaos – they are hired by one side or the other (perhaps by both sides on different topics at the same time) to mobilize the masses.  Grow the grass.  Dig the roots.  Oops, I mean, make it look like a Grass Roots effort.

Why would we want to have a discussion, explore the details of a subject and then make a decision that yields the greatest impact when we can just see who can scream louder, make nonsensical claims of the other and leave us with no real sensible option?

I do long for a simpler time when the Polaroid ruled the world and not the Polarizing Agents.

Here is a polarizing thought, why don’t we turn them all off and begin to act like citizens with our own brains turned-on!

There is just one catch – if we do get a dog, my Dad gets to name it.

Evidently, when he was my age, he wanted a dog too, and his Dad did not.

So, Moms being Moms, my Dad’s Mom went with his sisters (shout out to Aunt Peg and Aunt Kathy) and came home with this beagle mix / mutt.  So, fast forward, and there is my Pop Pop (rest his soul) with the puppy sitting on his lap.

He would be called Boru – for King Brian Boru of Ireland.  The Irish, what can I say, we love our Kings!

So, history repeats itself, and it would appear that my dog’s name will be determined by my Dad.

Needless to say, we first need to pick-out a dog.  Small – not more than 15 lbs., and preferably one that does not shed.  But, sorry, wiener-dogs are off the list.  Leave me a comment and let me know which type of dog we should get.

Here are a few from our local Happy Tales:

As for a name – Service appears to be his choice.  I realize it is an odd choice, but not unlike King Brian Boru, my Dad seems to think that service is dead.

It would appear that this naming would be a tribute to things of yore – service, it seems, is no more.

I should have known that it wouldn’t be a cute name like Bubbles or Bo or people names like Sarah or Julie.  It would be some eclectic name that I would have to spend my life explaining.

Although, now that I think about it, this Service thing could really work out.

• No Service!
• Service, get over here!
• Where is my Service?

Just think, it is a name that not only gets attention, but (wait for it) may actually produce some service.  Let’s face it, it is far better than naming a dog Stay (Sit, Stay!  Go, Stay!)  - that would just be far too confusing.

Here is to Service, if we can only find it, pay for it, train it and have it at our beck-and-call!